What the hell happened? We were funny?
So, I went out with Punkin' the other day, or last week, or last month...either way, it is irrelevant to my story. Oh how I love drinkin' a beer with Punkin'. And, for some reason that is irrelevant to the story as well. Our conversation went as follows:
Punkin: Oh my God! Did you hear that he had to have his legs amputated because of his diabetes?
Me: Oh My God! Did you hear that he died today?
I was explaining to Punkin this morning that when I woke up this morning I immediately started crying and I couldn't stop and I didn't know why. After I got thinking about it, I do know why...I just chose to erase it out of my memory, but I would be glad to share it with you.
I have decided to take a few days off of the bottle. I have decided that it would probably be very good for my health....emotionally and physically.
I use my cell phone as my alarm clock in the morning, so not only does it take the risk of getting chucked across the room every morning, but I get the opportunity of seeing if anyone called or texted me while I was asleep. I woke up this morning to a text message:
"Where are you drinking tonight?" It was sent at 1 in the morning, when...mind you...I was fast asleep.
What the fuck does that mean? Are you implying that I go out drinking every mother fucking night? I was offended and starting crying and couldn't stop...and didn't make it into work until about 3 hours later.
I think this time off will do me some good. I am not saying how long it is going to last. I just said that I would take some time off. I am going on day three.
I feel like a fat-ass today. I ate a Kashi Pumpkin Spice Flax granola bar for breakfast, a chocolate protein shake for lunch, and a coke zero and stick of orbit gum for dinner, but then watched a television program on the national pie making contest, another one showing Alton Brown creating some kind of stuffing-filled squash, and then a third show investigating the origins of the Milky Way candy bar and the french dip sandwich. That doesn't even touch the cake orgy I viewed last night (see. I feel like purging just from the food on TV. Help.
I travel quite frequently for work. I was talking to my mother on the phone and she tends to worry when I go out of town because sometimes I am by myself . I told her not to worry because I was with Punkin and everything was going to be alright. I proceeded to tell her that rumor had it our hotel was not in a very nice part of town and that she had nothing to worry about.
She told me that I should start checking out the virtual Google maps before I book my hotel rooms so I know what the neighborhood is like before I go. And my response was...
"Mom, it still won't show the hookers standing on the corner."
"Yes it will Muffin, if they work 24 hours a day."
It took more than a little persuasion to get my friends to finally agree to throw a Halloween party with me. Now it has become a hit, and even though they still reluctantly agree every year to help me host it, I seem to convince them. This year, however, I am scheduled to be out of town on Halloween. Suddenly, Halloween is their favorite holiday and they can't wait to throw the party (and then rub it in that I won't be there). Bitter? Yes, but at what point did this turn into High School?
I am quitting my day job to become a professional sheetrock mudder. And of course I will still remain a professional smoker and drinker by night. That will never change.
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