Istanbul not Constantinople?

I went out with a boy the other day...after our night we were texting each other and he continued to tell me that when he got home "I had a cute black girl waiting for me here. Think I'll sleep on the couch with her tonight. Her name is Penny." Instantly I pictured a small Ethiopian woman that this incredibly attractive man I had just spent the evening with was going to snuggle up on the couch with that night instead of me. Yes, I was slightly jealous. It was not until days later that I realized Penny was his dog. Which, by the way, makes him that much more attractive.

Let's Give Them Something To Talk About

I just got this idea that drunk blogging might be kind of fun. Because I think I am pretty damn special while intoxicated. And, I might actually have something to talk about...

Filthy Gorgeous

I have this new habit of sleeping with earplugs in. My house is generally very quiet, my roommate hardly makes a peep, and I have never had such an urge in the past. Why now, you ask? Well, I just saw some at Walgreen's and thought, "Ooh! earplugs!"

Calling Dr. John's

I was watching television the other day. I live in a fairly reserved state and could not believe the commercial that I randomly encountered while watching Pride and Prejudice. It was a commercial promoting dildo's. There slogan was:

Sometimes Harder is Not Always Better.

It was accompanied with a picture of a jack hammer and a feather.

I am not sure that I quite agree with them.

E-I-E-I-O

So, since my cute little Punkin of a partner is temporarily out of blogging service, I guess I will just keep on going.

I have been taking these nutrition classes to try to better the food that my body consumes, and in turn could afford to drop a few pounds in the meantime. So, I can tell you so far I have consumed more chickens than Old MacDonald has on his farm. In order to cook this chicken so that it doesn't taste like rubber or dry old cotton I recently purchased a George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Grilling Machine. I went to my local Wal-Mart and picked one up, however I didn't have the chance to use it until I was on my vacation. So, I busted it out of the box and opened it up and it was USED!!! Someone had literally cooked a piece of meat, decided that it wasn't that mean of a machine after all and returned it to the store without washing it...and Wal-Mart instantly put it back on the shelf for Muffin to buy.

I was mortified. So, I cleaned it, cooked my chicken on it and returned it back to Wal-Mart.

Common Courtesy

I had the opportunity to spend a weekend at Lake Powell with my slightly crazy, hectic family. I was riding on the tube with my 7 year old nephew and as we were being bumped and pulled around, the conversation went as follows:

"Muffin, how much do you weigh?"

"Hasn't your mother taught you that you shouldn't ask women how much they weigh? Why do you want to know?"

"Because this tube can only handle 500 pounds."

"I am pretty sure that we will be alright."

Sometimes You Are The Dog, Sometimes You Are The Tree.

So, I ran into a kid that I went to Elementary, Jr. High and High School with. We talked about some people that we knew, memories and all of that good shit. And then I had this weird feeling that he didn't really remember me, I just remember him.

"Do you remember who I am?"

"Of course I do, you were the only girl in 5th grade with big boobs."

Now, I slightly regret asking him.